Confession of a Smoker

well, not really a smoker ... but very most likely turning into one ..

Since young, I never had anything to the smoking...
I tried my first cigarettes at the age of 14, but did not get hooked to it..
partly is because I did not like it ( or hating it too) ...
what I felt was an empty smoke running through my throat and a total waste of money..

since then, i never really smoke.
even when I was surrounded with smokers and even when i went to clubs, snooker house etc
I usually says with a very firm NO when being offered.

until the year 2008,
that's where everything starts to kicks off..
it was a clubbing outing night,
and a friend, whom meet through online, offered to fetch me..
and he did not accept my offer of paying back some petrol and parking money, so i bought a pack of Dunhill Lights as a repay, that sorta of thingy

so when i gave to him, outside the club,
after he lits the first one, he showed back to me,

and that very moment, I stopped for a second...
if I don't take, it seems inappropriate ( if you understand what i mean)
so, I went, ahhh what's worse gonna happen?

so i lighted up my very first ciggie after all these years...
yet somehow, I still felt the same..
puffs of airs that gives nothing at all;
until that late night, when the Dunhill lights runs out, they topped up with Mild-Seven Charcoal.
that's when i feel it~

since then, i started smoking,
only if when i consumes alcohol..
no alcohol, no nicotine


i sorta "safe" still...
as i don't clubs often and i'm in an environment where every1 is not smoking..
only until recently,

being surrounded by smokers all the time,
it takes a lot to repel them and resist the temptation..
i somehow survived for few months ..

but when tops up with recent increment of number of times of clubbing, booze, and work stress,
i find it A LOTTTT harder to resist the temptation...
many times, i am tempted to ask for a ciggy from fellow colleagues/consultants for a light-bud

but today,
i lit my first one,
without the presence of the booze

and i foresee tough days ahead...
may i have the strength to resist it....



at 1st,
it was only for a try,
then, it was only when socializing at clubs,
then, it was only when with smoking friends,
then, it was only when at work,
then, it was too late to quit.

Comments

sy said…
Pls DO NOT....
Lasker said…
Oh my god :(
So sad to hear another one of my friend entering the world of smoking.

You can still come back. Since you realised it early. Come on back. Smoke free air are waiting for you :)

I know one friend who uses an unique way to help himself stop. Whenever out with GF, he is not allowed to smoke that day. So the more he is with GF, the more he stops .. kinda powerful motivation :)
iC3_sHiN said…
NOoooooo....

No clubbing for u!! please don't smoke, Mr Leang!!!
mellow said…
surprise? i'm so surprise... this is my 1st comment in ur blog... when i read this blog, i feel so shock...upset...disappointed... tat... again... another fren of mine enter this trap... last year there was a fren of mine who never and hate smoking in his life, bcoz of breakup, he sudden changed to another new person... he acted stupidly purposely smoked for the sake of getting his ex-gf attention... coz he knew his ex-gf still care him... but his ex-gf only care him as a fren... he cant accept the truth, reality... day and night he sacrificed himself smoked to let her know, to let her pity him, to let her feel guilty... the girl felt so struggle, guilty, upset... and thus, she cried infront of him, begged him to stop and not to harm himself anymore... the girl did slap him to wake him up to reality... hoping to love himself and his beloved ppl around... then there was still a long story and after sometimes of up and down, my fren managed to out from the trap safely...
as for me, as u know, i dont like smoker, i dont like, dont wish to see my fren to be a smoker...dont want to see my fren enter this evil trap...
as what we learn, we know, we aware, all the consequences, the bad...
i hope u have the strength to resist it...
u can do it... i believe in u...
all the best...
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Unknown said…
wahhhhh. u pun sudah jatuh terperangkap ke lembah rokok ?
ehhhh dun smoke lar. better quit d. if not u get even worse n than u cant stop d then all ur lungs turn black

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